Talk Show
by ArdenAshwood2
Summary: What happens when Frodo and Anakin meet each other on an Oprahesque show? What is the result of when some good gossip about Vader starts to go around? WHO IS THE REAL SITH LORD and who is REALLY behind VADER'S HELMET? complete
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own either Anakin or Frodo (shudder). Although I would very much like to see the former of this list in my possession…muahah—are you still reading this?

1: The Opening

Arden walked out onto her stage, hundreds of loyal fans—housewives and young teenage girls mostly—who awaited the two guests to the show with mouths gaping open and eyes streaming with excited tears. Arden felt this way a lot when she had a "heart-throb" on her show. Now, with two of them sharing the stage, she was sure that those bodyguards would be put to the test today.

She waved to the fans who she was sure had no interest in her today, and took her seat in the middle of the three-person couch. Reading from her clip-board she told the viewers that Anakin Skywalker and Frodo Baggins would be on the show today (thunderous applause).

The first guest approached the spotlight with a clunking helmet and heavy black attire. Breathing heavily, he took his seat to the right of Arden. He always did like being the right-hand man. Next came the shorter of the two, skipping onto stage and raising his arms to increase the cheers before sitting down. Now with the crowd thoroughly insane, Arden began the interview.

"Alright boys, we had an online survey of which questions the viewers at home most wanted you to answer. First one is open to both of you. What's up with Obi-Wan Kenobi and Sam Gamgee?"

Frodo and Anakin stared blankly.

"Oh come on, don't be shy now!"

"Shall blow up her entire family…yes…yess, that's gonna be good…" the helmeted one muttered under his breath.

"What was that, Anakin?"

"Nothing," he said, eyes darting back and forth. "What?"

Frodo spoke then "Well, Arden, for me Samwise is a dear, dear friend."

("Awwww" echoes from audience and Frodo grins cheesily)

Arden continued "Okay, next question is again for both of you. Why, when faced with the choice of the dark side, did you both give in? Any reasons in particular?"

"It is something that I regret deeply. Yet I am glad you asked," Frod answered, Anakin rolling his eyes from under his helmet.

"The power of the ring was so enticing and strong, that it seemed glued to one's hand. It wasn't so much the power it promised, but the power it had over you. Like listening to a bad friend for too long, finally, one becomes numb to how far is too far." He **glances heavily at Anakin.**

"I saw that, tiny ignoramus!" Anakin shouted.

"Bring it on, you skirt-wearing pansy!"

(crowd begins to chant Frodofrodofrodo and Anakinanakin)

Arden tried to calm them down. "Now, now, boys, let's not fight **under breath** just yet. **Normal** Anakin, would you care to answer that question?"

"Actually, I would. I was trying to save my wife, Padme from death in childbirth. It was a prophecy I had. So, when my friend Palpatine offered power that could possibly save her life, I of course did whatever it would take."

"But then?"

"Then that bastard Obi-Wan Kenobi turned my wife against me!"

"And that made you angry, didn't it?"

"Oh yes…"

"Did you and Padme ever have any children?"

"No, no I do not believe so. Palpatine told me that I had killed her in my rage."

"Well, we've got a surprise for you, Anakin."

An: **breathes**

"Bring out Luke Skywalker!"

"What!" **turns to the door where Luke is jauntily walking out** "Oh great, my only living heir is a fruit…"

"Hey Daddy!" The skipping blonde said.

"Um…hello, son, it's…uh…been a while."

"Hug?" he extended his arms hopefully.

An: "…**breath**…"

L: (hugs Anakin)

"GAHH!" (punches Luke off of him and pounces on him so that they are both rolling about on the floor)

(Crowd again begins to chant Anakinanakin and Lukeluke)

(Frodo turns to Arden with a broad smile while the two Skywalkers are punching and kicking)

Frodo spoke up "So, does this happen often?"

"Oh yes. I had Obi-Wan Kenobi waiting backstage too, but something tells me that would be a bad plan."


	2. Chapter 2

2: Commercial Break

Arden cut to a commercial and sat back. Anakin and Luke had been removed from the premises and Frodo had to go talk to an agent about that diaper commercial. _Well, might as well bring out Obi-Wan and the other special guest..._ She tapped the microphone attached to her shirt-collar and told them to bring out the other males.

The men took their seats as Arden informed the audience welcome back, here with her as a follow-up interview was Obi-Wan Kenobi and Samwise Gamgee. They were met with applause, though not so enthusiastic as before (surely these two would not provide as much entertainment as the others...evil was always much more fun).

"So, being the friends and confidants of the two previous guests, I have a feeling that this question is one that many want answered. This is open to both of you; when did you first begin to suspect that your friends were being affected by the dark side?"

Sam started, "Well, no offense to poor Mr. Frodo but for me it was one night by the firelight when I saw him playing with that confound ring. He just wouldn't put the thing down. Also there was the incident when he applied some lubricant to the thing and—"

"Alright then! Obi-Wan, how about you? When did you first begin to think that Anakin might have been influenced by the dark side of the force?"

"Before the security hologram tipped me off, you mean? I'd have to say it was when I also caught him doing something rather odd. He was doodling at his desk and got up to fetch a drink. I went over to see what he had been drawing and found a sketch of a huge warrior with two light-sabers, dead bodies all around him with an arrow pointing to him that said "Me" and one that said "Jedi" pointing to the bodies."

"What did you do?"

"Figured he was just in one of his moods."

"You mean, this sort of thing wasn't unusual?"

"Oh no not at all, why?"

A: **exchanges a questioning glance at Samwise who shrugs** "No reason. Now, why don't you both tell the viewers what your fondest memory of your friend is?"

"Oh I will never forget the time Mr. Frodo and I sat and watched the sunset together the night we returned from our journey! He had overcome his evil-side by that point (I had finally convinced him to go to that Ring-A-Non Ring-bearers Anonymous meeting, you see)." **dreamy expression while the audience "Awww"s**

"Isn't that nice? And you, Obi?"

"Well, I suppose that the time we went to that pod race when he was a young boy and he annihilated his opponents one by one. That was a pretty fun time."

With a silent audience, Sam inquired, "Obi-Wan?"

"Yes?"

"You're as dumb as an orc."


	3. Chapter 3

3: Pretty Lady (PART ONE)

The phone-lines were buzzing off the hook for Arden that night when she came home. All of her producers and agents were telling her that the Anakin / Frodo combo was a real hit with the viewers. She needed to keep this up for a few more days, for that was when ratings would come out.

Get more dirt on those two, was what her boss had told her. Alright, that should be easy enough. But how was one to do that? She had interviewed them, their best friends, and neither one had a living love interest… it was then that she got a fabulous idea.

THAT NIGHT…

She had made the phone calls and Arden was now dressed in her favorite lime-green dress suit. All she needed now was to get in her car and drive to Anakin's house at 7, book it to Frodo's at 9, and then take out the tape-recorder in her purse! She was set. Neither one of them had been suspecting at all… perhaps that was because of the blonde wig she now wore over her usually chestnut brown hair. Also, she had applied thick red lipstick and took off her glasses. Arden Ashwood was now Lilly Boedwen.

Once in her convertible, she scanned over her directions and began the trip. Alright… 666 Sith Street on the Dark Side of town… how hard would that be to find? As she pulled up to the tall, black cathedral she decided—not very.

Arden parked the car and walked down the cracked pavement that lead to Anakin's front door. From out of the saw grass, she could hear various creatures hissing and growling at her. Charming. When she finally reached the door, Arden was hesitant about knocking. Couldn't she just go straight to the midget's house? No, she told herself. She was a professional and she would do what it took.

"Coming!" a voice like velvet thunder declared once she had gently rapped on the door three times. The gate swung open and there he was, in all his hemlety glory.

"Lilly, what a pleasant surprise!" The cologne he was wearing hit her like a truck. Who needed the Force to strangle people when you had Eau de Garbage Can or whatever it was?

She held back a cough and extended her hand, which he shook. Arden adopted her higher-pitched voice. "Ready to go, Ani?"

"Oh yes," so they got into her car and Anakin drove them to what he assured her was a marvelous restaurant and movie. "Which would you like first? Dinner, or the theater?"

"Why not do the movies, first?" She said, praying to God it was a short film.

The couple arrived at the cinema and Anakin told her to wait for him, that he'd pay for the tickets. He came back and extended her ticket out to her.

**STAR WARS III : REVENGE OF THE SITH**

"….Uh, Ani?"

"Yes?"

"Aren't you in this movie?"

"Yes, what's your point?"

"Nothing, dear."


	4. Chapter 4

4: Pretty Lady (PART TWO)

Arden quietly sipped the soda left over from the movie with Anakin. She had been extraordinarily close to wretching several times during the movie but could not give the slightest hint that it was anything was wonderful. For Anakin would sigh at the romantic moments, yell at the angry moments of climax, and cry at the sad moments (which, from under that helmet seemed very odd indeed, yet after he blew up the first man to tell him to shut it, no one made any further efforts). At least dinner can't get much worse, she thought. Oh how wrong she was…

The Sith apprentice drove them to a Burger King, ordering two BK meals.

"Why not just get the normal double-cheeseburger?" she asked him.

"Because," he said, sounding exasperated and annoyed. "Then you don't a get a cool Star Wars toy!"

"Oh, silly me."

8:30 PM ((Because the author is pretending the RotS is only an hour long and it only took them a few seconds to eat their dinner, drive everywhere, etc.))

"Maybe Frodo will be a more… traditional date," she thought. Still, she couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. All of that work had been for a few lame insights into his childhood as a junkyard slave between mouthfuls of fast food. Oh well, better than nothing… right?

She drove up to the little hobbit-hole and saw Frodo anxiously smoking his pipe on the front lawn. Ew, she disliked smoker's breath. But if she could sit through Star Wars and swallow down a double, then a little bit of bad breath should be easy.

"Lilly!" Frodo smiled with a(n) (attempted) Rico Suave accent. Oh dear…

She beamed at him and hopped out of the car to greet the wee man. Frodo hugged her around the waist, making Arden slightly uncomfortable with the aforementioned height difference. When the hug began to last a little too long, she had to practically get out a crow-bar to pry him off. Must be the hobbit-weed or something, she told herself.

"Why don't you come on in, Lilly!" Frodo said, swaying a little bit. He motioned for the hobbit-hole. "I got something to **_show_** ya," he winked obviously and passed out there at Arden's feet.

"Great."


	5. Chapter 5

5: Ratings

After gently putting the hobbit back onto his lawn-chair and setting the pipe by his fuzzy feet on the ground, Arden decided that perhaps this wasn't a lost cause after all. It was then she got another idea… if she couldn't get any dirt from talking to Frodo, then maybe she could by taking a peek inside of his house.

She pushed on the round, green door to see if it was open and then proceeded to go inside. The first things that Arden checked were the photo-albums. There were a few shots of him as a child, some family-stills, but no girlfriends or anything juicy. She tried the computer. Maybe he had an online diary or something (since she had already searched for a real diary).

Arden turned the monitor on and saw what she thought to be Frodo's buddy list. Something then caught her eye… **iRuleDAgalaxE** was the first screen name on the list and she had a feeling she knew who that was.

**iRuleDagalaxE: hey dude, whas /\ ?**

Arden thought fast. After sufficiently smirking and giggling at the hobbit's SN, she typed up something that might just justify this whole night.

**HairyLILgiant: nm, hey dude, mind tellin' me again about how you felt when Obi-Wan first found out u were evil?**

**HairyLILgiant: just outta curiosity of course**

**iRuleDagalaxE: sure man. Well, it kinda made me…**

So that was how Arden received all the information she needed and more—er—_much_ more. She printed out their entire conversation and stuffed it into her purse.

**iRuleDagalaxE: I just wish he'd give me some attention. I mean I AM the friggin chosen one after all, man. What is UP with that Windu guy, man?**

**HairyLILgiant: uh, dunno man g2g bye**

THE NEXT MORNING 

Her boss skimmed over the online conversation and listened to the tape that Arden had recorded. He grinned and told her she was going up in his book and with that told her to change the screen-names and put this stuff on the air as soon as she'd like. So that was what she did.

That day on Afternoon with Arden, she broke the shocking news of Frodo's alcoholism and Anakin's heart-wrenching thirst for attention. Ratings went through the roof! The audience cooed and cried until finally, they decided to pay visits and send cards to these two poor, troubled souls.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I use a Napolean Dynamite joke here, hope they don't mind too much… 

6: Fan-mail

Anakin sat in his lazy-boy, halfway through watching Star Wars episode 2 (ah, 1982…those had been the days) when a pounding knock came at his door. He wondered what in the force was going on! With a sigh of discontent, he put the movie on pause and went to see who he was going to have to strangle now.

When he opened the door, he saw hundreds of excited woman, teenage girls, and forty-year-old men with no lives standing before him with I HEART ANAKIN and VIVA LA VADER t-shirts. Figuring it might take a while to strangle all of them, Anakin decided it might be best to let them tell him what the heck was up.

Someone in the crowd shouted, "There he is!" And before even the Force could have helped him, the Sith apprentice was showered with things to sign and females jumping all over him until the Dark One couldn't even be seen from under the pig pile.

"How did you get this address? Who are you? What do you want? DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOU ALL?" was Anakin's first attempt at communication. Yet this proved fruitless as the mob just wouldn't stop.

"Anakin," one woman said to him, smothering him with her hands and large hairdo. "Let me just say we all here feel for you! We know how hard it must be for you to not get the attention you deserve, right everybody?" The statement was answered by a meaningless roar from the fans as Anakin froze. How in the Force's name did she know about that? Unless Frodo had spilled the beans… Anakin clenched his fists. That little hobbit was always after publicity, of course it had been him!

"Tonight," the Sith apprentice growled, "I think I'll have me some Kentucky Fried Hobbit!"

THE HOBBIT-HOLE

Frodo was currently being fanned with coconut-tree leaves and being fed grapes by a swarm of his loyal fans when a loud boom resounded from his front door. A man dressed all in black with a cape and large helmet stood before him, red light-saber drawn and a teenage fanfiction writer clinging to his leg. He kicked the girl off before stomping up to the hobbit.

"We need to talk, wee one!" Was all he said before using the force to pick up Frodo's fans and throw them outside of the hole he had just blown through Frodo's front door. The halfling grew wide-eyed (causing the fangirls who hadn't lost conscious yet to faint with adoration). He stammered,

"Ani, surely we can work something out…uh, sit down," he offered, beginning to get up from his chair.

"I shall stand," the Dark One breathed even more heavily than usual. Frodo sat back down and asked the evil Jedi what he wanted.

"After we spoke on the internet last night," he told the hobbit. "You didn't happen to tell anyone about that, did you?" Anakin pointed his weapon down at Frodo's throat.

"S-s-spoke on the internet?" He did not remember this, yet he _had_ been as high as a kite, so he decided to just go along with it. It was also entirely possible that after this "conversation" that he had told someone about it. That Lilly person… he remembered Lilly. He had probably told her, if he told anyone anything. Yet did he really want to admit to that just now?

"Uh…no, Ani, can't say I told anyone anything," he said shakily.

"Are you sure? Because if there is one thing I don't like, it's a liar."

"What about a Jedi?"

"SILENCE!"

Frodo began to shake and he finally told Anakin about Lilly.

"That is very strange," he said after the halfling had spoken. "I also had a date with a blonde woman named Lilly. Perhaps it is the same person, out to ruin both of our reputations!"

Good, though Frodo. The blame was being directed at someone else. "Yeah," he piped in. "And—''

"What's that noise?" Anakin asked, head turned towards the living room.

"Just the TV, m-my man," Frodo said.

Anakin marched towards the television and saw with horror what was being broadcasted on national tv!

_"So then, says Anakin, I simply broke down and cried, man. I cried like a flippin baby. I mean, I asked Obi-Wan forty times for that lego-kit and did he get it for me? No… no, man not even on my flippin birthday. Do you believe that man?"_

Anakin stared at the cooing audience for what felt like an eternity. That was Arden's show… and come to think of it, Arden and Lilly _did_ look an awful lot a like.

_"And you know what, then, man? When I asked Yoda for advice for my bed-wetting problem he just laughed!"_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I use some Austin Powers humor here, hope ya don't mind 

7: Revenge

Frodo could not suppress a giggle at the discovery of his dark friend's… problem. This earned him a heavy picture frame being chucked at him, only missing his head by a few centimeters. The smile erased from his face as Vader began to pace around the small living room. He stroked his helmeted chin and breathed very slowly, plotting ways to get Arden Ashwood back for this horrendous embarrassment.

"I have blown up entire planets," he spoke to Frodo but more to himself. "I have destroyed entire ecosystems," he was getting louder. "I have killed countless millions but she has just gone TOO FAR!"

The hobbit agreed with insane noddings of his head. He watched the Dark One begin to pace quicker.

"There must be some way… I cannot blow up her planet, for this is where my three best condos are located. Nor can I murder her family, for she lives all by herself here and tracking them all down and gutting them like fish would take far too long. There has to be a way…"

"Uh, well, if I may," Frodo ventured, approaching Anakin with a raised pointer finger. "What she did was low, very low. Yet, being the Sith and hobbit we are, what's to stop us from going just as low? Can't we just get some dirt on her and call it even?"

"That is indeed a good suggestion, my minuscule apprentice," Anakin mused. "Yet it is not _good _enough. It is merely the margarine of diabolical plots, the diet-coke of evil plans… just one calorie not sinister enough!" The ex-Chosen One pounded one fist into his open palm. Frodo stared blankly and decided it best to nod once more.

So the Knight and the midget remained standing for nearly a half-hour before Anakin suddenly went still in his pacing. He grabbed Frodo's shoulders, raising him up to be eye(helmet?)-level. The hobbit stared terrified into his own reflection before Vader finally spoke to him and voiced his perfect plan.

THE ASHWOOD RESIDENCE

She had just gotten home and begun to take off her jacket when the phone in her kitchen started ringing. Arden ran to it, thinking it another won-over producer telling her how much they'd pay her for her to work for them. Yet when she politely said, "Hello Ashwood residence Arden speaking", this is what she heard:

"**Whispered** Shh! Shut up, shut up! **Normal **Uh, yes hello this is the…uh…"

"**Whispered** Department of Kitchen Cleanliness!"

"Uh, this is the Department of Kitchen Cleanliness. We haven't checked up on your place for a while, and it is mandatory for us to ask our clients some questions once a year."

Arden's brow furrowed. "Uh…alright."

"Alright, uh…so, no leakage?"

"No…"

"Washing machine still working?"

"Yes…"

"Refrigerator running?"

"Yes."

"Then ya better go catch it!" and with that, the line went dead and back at Baggend, Anakin and his apprentice were having a very good laugh.


	8. Chapter 8

8: Revenge (II)

Arden slammed down the phone with disgust. She hated prank phone calls… oh if she only knew how much worse it was going to get!

The Dark One and the Wee One doubled over with laughter while Anakin mimicked Arden's response over and over again. That had been great fun, yet it was only the beginning. They had the steppingstone, but now they needed something really good. And this time, it was Frodo who came up with the great idea.

AFTERNOONS WITH ARDEN

She was about to go on stage when a gentle knock came at her door. Arden turned around in her revolving chair and stood up to see whom it was. From time to time a fan or two would somehow manage to get past security, but maybe it was another agent. However, it was neither of those two. What Arden saw at her door was a pizza delivery boy standing with a wheelbarrow full of pizza boxes.

"Miss Ashwood?"

If Arden hadn't been famous and therefore had a chance of being unrecognized, she would have denied the identification. Yet that was not an option, so she decided to take the bait.

"Yes?" she asked, dreadingly.

"We got an order for sixty two large double-all pizzas for you right here. Now that'll be $495. 38 if you would."

"**_Four hundred ninety five dollars?_**" Arden cried. "I'm sorry there has been some mistake!" With that, she slammed the door in the man's face. Yet he continued to mutter.

"I _thought_ that Vader guy's cheese was a little off his cracker…"

Vader! Arden's eyes darkened as her fists began to clench. It had been him who called last night and him who had ordered the 62 pizzas, she knew it now! Surely he and that hobbit pal of his had discovered who "Lilly" really was and that she had exploited Anakin's deepest darkest secrets on live, daytime television and wanted revenge. Well now she wanted a little comeback too… hell hath no fury like Arden Ashwood pranked on!

VADER RESIDENCE

Anakin and Frodo now sipped from their diet-coke cans (even a Sith knew where all those extra calories went!) while Attack of the Clones danced about on the big screen TV. The last prank had gone smoothly enough, both of them thought with relish of how infuriated Arden must have been to pay nearly five hundred dollars for pizza! Oh, it was a marvelous idea; Anakin had told his accomplice several times.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Frodo hopped up to get it and came back into the room a few minutes later followed by a police officer.

He jerked a thumb at the helmeted one. "You Anakin Skywalker?"

"Depends on who is asking, my donut-consuming official."

"Well the neighbors have all been complaining about you two causing too much noise in here!"

"Nonsense!" Vader said. "I had the neighbors liquidated months ago—" he paused. "You did not hear that," he added.

"No I didn't," the officer said, beginning to open the briefcase he had carried behind his back. What he then pulled out and placed on one of the coffee tables was a boom box. "But I do hear this!" He pressed the play button and Vanilla Ice began to play as the police officer started to whip off his clothes and dance around in front of Frodo and Anakin.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

THE HUBBLE

Astronaut Rick: "Hey, did you hear something just then?"

THE ASHWOOD RESIDENCE

As Arden tucked herself in and clicked off the light, she went to sleep with a broad grin across her face.


	9. Chapter 9

((OOC: For you non-French speaking types, "petit" means little and garcon" means man))

9: Backfire

After chopping the male stripper in half with his light-saber, Anakin turned to Frodo with an accusing glare. The hobbit shrugged innocently, shaking a little bit and wiping some of the stripper's blood off of his eyebrow. Anakin's grip on the light-saber tightened as he felt the urge to destroy a planet began to well up inside his chest. He settled for simply going out on a drive and blowing up random buildings that Frodo and he drove past. All except Burger King of course.

"You realize, Darth Petit-garcon," Anakin spoke in a low, murderous voice to the one in the car-seat, "That it was Arden Ashwood who was behind that last prank."

Frodo nodded, wondering what sort of grizzly death Vader had in store for his nemesis.

"You see what we have been doing wrong is we are being too impersonal," the Unchosen One continued. "Hiding behind phones and pizza delivery boys. What we need to do is have a little talk with Miss Ashwood up close and personal." Anakin seemed to be getting excited—something that Frodo knew could either result in a trip to Toys R Us or a massacre.

Anakin turned on the radio, **I'm a Barbie Girl** beginning to play. Frodo smirked, reaching forward to change the station for his Master when Vader slapped his hand away with an angry exhale of breath. Eyes wide, Frodo decided to just sit still.

"So," Petit-garcon asked, "We gonna kill her?"

"Oh no," Vader laughed (which sounded kind of like a gnome in a lawnmower from under that helmet). "I have something special planned for Miss Ashwood..."

AFTERNOONS WITH ARDEN

"So how did it make you feel when your mother stuffed dynamite into your stuffed puppy?"

Little Timmy sobbed. "Not too good, Arden!" The audience cooed appropriately but before long they were all in excited hysterics. They were all on their feet, pointing to Arden's left and right. The show's hostess turned to see what had gotten the crowd so riled up and saw Frodo and Anakin stepping out onto the stage.

_What on Earth are _they _doing here? _She thought with dread. _Oh those buggers! I bet it's another prank!_

Thinking fast, she announced to the audience that Anakin and Frodo had decided to join the program as special guests after all. She glared at Vader through the corner of her eye but saw him wave casually and use the Force to raise Little Timmy and his mother out of their seats so he and Frodo could sit down. He tossed them carelessly back into the audience and looked to Arden with a stack of papers in his hand. She saw their formats and figured it was their conversation from a few nights ago.

"Arden," Vader spoke. "I thank you for letting the _entire nation _know about my little secrets... I also wanted to say that you trusting me enough to tell me about your bra-stuffing and liposuction is heart-warming."

Her face went white as a sheet of paper as some audience members laughed while others awww-ed. She could see Frodo smiling as she ripped the papers away from Vader. It was a forged e-mail! Somehow they had hacked into her computer and sent this to themselves! But... she looked up at the audience helplessly and decided it best to check what else they had in this e-mail. Half-way through the page, she had gotten botox, a facelift, gone to a mental hospital, and was a female-preferring bisexual.

She looked at Vader with blackened eyes. Pouncing on him, she screamed, "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Frodo watched with a smile as Vader and Arden rolled about on the floor for a few minutes, the audience taking sides and cheering. She pounded his metal chest, sending a few sparks to come out from him. His leg started to twitch as she yanked on a few wires attached to his hip.

"Hey!" Vader said as she reached up to his helmet. "Don't—don't—don't d-d-d-d-do that!" Arden hopped off of him as his helmet began to emit sparks. Finally she grinned as he had no choice but to take it off.

He held on as long as could have been expected with his whole head engulfed in electrical flame but soon ripped the thing off revealing—


	10. Chapter 10

((Disclaimer: No, don't own Legolas either...))

10: Finale

The audience gasped as Vader's face was exposed to the entire TV-watching world. For there, blonde-headed and lip-glossed was—

"Legolas?" Arden cried. "_You're _the cause of all the evil in the galaxy!"

Frodo muttered, "Knew it..."

The bombshell smiled evilly and nodded. "Yeah, it's me."

"But how?" Arden sputtered. "We saw you go through the changes in the movies, we saw—"

"What you saw was merely a director and writer's imagination put on screen! My real story is far more tragic than that garbage!" Legolas spat, glaring at Arden.

"So...how much of it was true?" Ashwood asked.

"Oh," Legolas giggled. "Enough. Except for Lord Sideous of course." Legolas clapped his hands excitedly. "Oh you'll never guess my Master's true identity!" With that, a static cloud hovered over the stage. Legolas was raised into the air (giving Arden a pretty good view up his skirt) and then with a blast of light, disappeared!

Arden blinked. She then turned to Frodo, who had begun to creep away. Grabbing his shoulders, she forced him to tell the audience that all of those rumors about her were not true. He confessed and that night, they were set to go out for a movie and cocktails.

THE MOVIES

Arden stared at her ticket.

**LORD OF THE RINGS III : RETURN OF THE KING**

"Oh not again..."

THE SITH LORD SIDEOUS' EVIL LAIR

"My apprentice," Sideous gurgled from under that black hood. "You have done well. But you almost ruined my secret. And we don't want that, do we?"

Legolas shook his blonde head ruefully. "I apologize, Master."

Sideous nodded then lowered the hood. "For what would the world think if they knew I was the root of all things evil in this galaxy and more?" Obi-Wan asked no one in particular as both Sith sat down to enjoy a LotR / Star Wars parody on END


End file.
